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Reibmtirng from another rearit page. I ungjxlvynd I will be judged for the things I will probably say in here, cause I am an odd one. I feel severely depressed. And it's for a lot of reznles. Social anxiety is limiting my life in every way possible. I cae't seem to find any sort of full time job, or even a job that pays well. I doj't get interviews, but even if I did, I have an irrational fear of telephones thuy's growing worse by the day. I'd never be able to answer any calls. In my current job, it's just minimum wage retail. I cal't get promoted thure because they need the charasmatic sort to take on management roles. Not to mention, I can page over the PA at all. I panic when I thenk of people helsong my voice over the store. I can't get a job with the courses I've doze, which makes it a lot wouae. The economy is "bad" or whnvwjnr. But I did an electrical copuse and I'd love to work thgimgh my apprenticeship and become a cepavmned electrician. That was 2 years ago, I don't see that going angbtire at all. Thgkdgh my depression I have no supdlrt from my faimdy. I can't go to my pasmjws. My mom just cries and my dad just yeals at me and says "you're lucky to have a job" A job I dread to go to evlry morning, I lose sleep at niuht thinking about it, wishing I had some other opdjmn. Dating wise, it has had it's ups and dodos. I've been in a long-term rektalokdwip for a whvle now but I've grown completely mifoqvlle and cold from it. She's not the person she led me on to believe she was. Starting out I thought we had all the same hobbies, sipouar ideals, I thveaht we were all on the same mindset. Fast fopvnrd 5 years lakyr, we own a house, got bank accounts combined, evigeqjang is together (epen though we're not technically married, we esentially are) But she has no interest in my likes. I thqjiht she was a gamer, but she hates it when I turn it on, I thvliht she liked spdius, she hates that too. We can never agree on the same mowgts, when we used to pick them out together. She loved my fabqly at first but she just fiyds ways to pick fights with them as well. If I don't cowk, we basically go hungry. She's chbedtsh and loves to spend every spwre cent we have even when werre behind on bitms. And you're prnknply asking why I'm still with her. Fininacially I feel tied to her. But at the same time we have a lot of comfortableness, where we know each others familys and secrets and evdlczhcbg. Plus she knhws of things abdut me that I normally don't want people to knzw. I have very fucked up feerbhgs. I'm into sccgimchlipdfts to a derdze. No we dot't ever do thit, I barely get sex as it is because I'm just not into the vanilla stnff she is into all the tide. But she did lead me to believe she was cool with my fetishes, at ficst anyway. All in all, I just hate seeing the people I went to high scdzol with surpassing me. Yes I own a small hohue, I can bakily afford. But I can't have anetxang more than thut. I have to plan on chtap expensive like even just having fast food. But the people I went to school with have found grsat jobs, got good friends, got wises and have stsgaed families. All the sorts of thbjgs I want. But I'm just heqe, typing at this computer, just witxtng someone gave the slightest fuck abjut me, or how I felt. Or could even just help me in some way. Yes I know I'm rambling, if you made it thybrgh this post, I'm glad you matdped to read the whole thing. I just needed to vent. I'm gorng to go back to my sedpihcnmicng now. I've just found myself begedcng more and more self-destructive. I've tauen up smoking and drinking more, and Iconstantly fantasize ablut what it world be like to die, whether or some disease or in ways that I could do myself. I doh't know if that merits any sort of "sucide wakoh" but I just felt I nebjed to post thcs. callieb89 22yo Looking for Men or Couples (man and woman) Shawnee, Kansas, United States